Ethnographic Report

 

        It's been 3 days since I ventured into the culture of the Melomanic people. Originating from Melomania, a small island located right in the center of the Bermuda Triangle, the Melomanic tribe consists of about a hundred members (homo-sapiens ranging from early teen years to mid-twenties) who can't remember what they had for breakfast, much less how they ended up on Melomania. When I, a seasoned anthropologist, heard of their unique situation, I set out to help these poor adolescents and misguided millenials become a functional society. However, when I arrived to meet the Melomanics, I was surprised to see that they had an effective system in place for pretty much every area of life. 

Their shelters are built from the remains of crashed planes and boats that wash up on the southern shore. The Savants, a group of teens showing exceptional skills in engineering and architecture, are in charge of collecting the scraps and assembling them into structures sturdy enough not to get knocked over by hyperactive children. 

        Along with the Savants, there are the Responsible Ones, the Gifted Kids, and the Ones With Pent-Up Anger, or OWPUAs. Every time a new tribe member appears on the island shore, they are evaluated by the tribe's Elders and sorted into one of these 4 groups in a Hogwarts-like manner. The Responsible Ones are in charge of taking care of domestic endeavors, like distributing food and water and making sure the members get enough rest; these are their tasks because their naturally caring nature makes them fit for the job, and also "no one else will do it," according to the 16-year-old leader of the Responsible Ones. 

        The Gifted Kids are members that show high academic intelligence and a motivational drive strong enough to keep themselves and others focused on educational goals. They are in charge of educating younger members of the Melomanics, as well as the resident delinquents. However, the Gifted Kids are most prone to getting an elusive condition known as burnout, which affects how much knowledge their brains can hold and their overall ability to function. 

        Finally, the Ones With Pent-Up Anger are Melomania's military system. As their name suggests, this group lives their lives holding onto significant amounts of anger, frustration, and resentment (directed at various sources, i.e. other tribe members, themselves, the world, etc.). Daily activities of the OWPUAs include hunting (letting aggression out on animals), weapon building (directing anger into building tools of violence), and defending the tribe from invaders (releasing anger by physically hurting strangers). In fact, a small group of OWPUAs met me the moment I stepped on the Melomania's shore. I could almost see the festering anger and hunger for violence in their eyes as they attempted--and succeeded--to intimidate me. It was quite effective! Thank goodness some of the Responsible Ones came before the OWPUAs attacked (which I would have understood; it is their job, after all).

    I will continue to study Melomanic people over the course of these coming months. I am most interested in seeing what effect, if any, the changing of the seasons has on the tribe's routine (I have been told that an awful plague known scientifically as seasonal depression tends to resurface every year around the autumn solstice--I can't wait to see it!). I just hope that I can make it through this ethnographical excursion unscathed by the homemade battle-axes of hormonal, emotionally stunted adolescents.